One Toothbrush Too Many

Mid April, already.....

The daffodils are in bloom.

Baseball is heating up and the NCAA Tourney is in the books.

The year is flying and I'm definitely feeling the pressure to get things done.

So I finally bought a new toothbrush the other day.

The old one was down to just a few bristles.

I was brushing regularly, but missing most of my teeth.

So, like I said... I bought a new toothbrush…finally.

Much like my experience with the dentist, a lot had changed.

Apparently you don’t just go to the drug store and pick up a toothbrush…not anymore.

Now there are all kinds to choose from, cuz you know we can’t make enough life altering decisions in a day.

There’s a sonic toothbrush, which apparently does something I’m afraid to think about. I guess it can also break the sound barrier.

There’s a Smart Series 5000 electric toothbrush, which I assume means it knows each one of your teeth by name and contour, plus what it’s favorite color is.

There’s another, less desirable, Smart Series 4000 electric toothbrush, 1000 somethings less than the 5000 series, which I assume means it only knows the general shape of your teeth and just guesses at their favorite color.

Then of course there's the “Dumb” series of electric toothbrushes, which can barely discern your teeth from a bowl of corn nibblets.

There’s the “Vitality Sensitive” electric toothbrush, which sulks if you don’t offer it constant validation.

There’s also something called a Pulsar tooth brush, which basically means it vibrates as you brush. It claims to stimulate your gums, providing an outstanding sensory experience.

I don’t know…I mean, what my gums do on their own time is up to them, but the whole thing just sounds kind of creepy to me. I’m not sure I could even look myself in the eye while I was brushing, knowing all that was going on.

For those of us who prefer our toothbrushes of the lo-tech variety, there are lots of choices there, as well.

There’s your basic Pro health, as opposed to the Anti-Health, “All in One” toothbrush, which I think means you can also use it to brush your hair and shine your shoes...maybe even clean your hippo's teeth.

Some tooth brushes guarantee to remove 99% of all accumulated plaque from your teeth while others guarantee just 90% in case, you know, you want to hold on to some of it…maybe for award presentations.

Another brush calls itself Vivid 3D and claims to not only whiten your teeth but it’s also good at reaching your back teeth…which is what I need cuz to be honest, I’ve had nothing but trouble trying to get through to those guys for a long time now.

I just don’t want to talk about it…..

I don’t know….why does it have to be this difficult to buy a toothbrush?

If they can do all these amazing things, why not make just the one that does it all and leave it at that?

I mean should I really have to decide just how much attention I want to pay to my teeth; how much money I want to invest…in a toothbrush…I mean, do I?

Can I really put a dollar value on any given tooth? 

Okay…maybe my incisors.  Where would I be without them?

In the end I just grabbed the one that was the nicest color blue.

Mostly because I heard that blue tooth technology is all the rage…..

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