Breaking Dawn
Review: 5.5 out of 10
I’m pleased to announce the engagement of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, mostly because it means this very underwhelming and toothless vampire-werewolf sensation (they feed but you never even see the blood on their lips) is almost at an end.
The “Twilight Saga” has offered nothing meaningful to story-telling or vampire folklore and has only proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that women are just as likely to go the movies for shallow ogling as guys.
Then again I don’t want to be too hard on “Breaking Dawn Part 1,” or more so director Bill Condon. He’s made the best film of the series, in that it’s not as uncomfortably laughable and I found some of the bigger moments here to be very intense. Take Bella’s wedding-day dream, a chilling vision of things that may come in the future.
Kristen Stewart again plays moody teenager Bella and Robert Pattinson plays vampire Edward, both are preparing for the inevitable wedding day. It’s hard not to get swept up in this particular scene. Condon sets it beautifully and this is the first time I can remember either Stewart or Pattinson actually smiling. You do wonder what her in-laws are thinking about her marrying a vampire though. Edward has decided not to turn Bella into a vampire until after the honeymoon, something that bothers the third member of this love triangle, werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who knows that sex with a vampire could kill a regular human.
It’s then off to the honeymoon in Brazil, and that troublesome sex scene, which is short, respectful, and all about the nuzzling baby. Then the movie cuts to the morning where apparently we missed the wild parts. It’s fine, I really wasn’t even expecting passion at this point. Pattinson and Stewart have proven to be not only glum leads but the characters terribly bland ones. Condon sets these starry-eyed lovers in incredibly beautiful locations and ups that soundtrack over scenes that look like something out of an LL Bean catalogue but at the end of the day, you feel no personality from either one of these two people. They’re in love but as people they’re about as exciting and interesting as ply-wood.
The last half is probably the movie’s best, dealing with Bella and Edward’s possible demon baby. Both actors seem to finally have a reason to look angry and forlorn, the buzz about what the baby could be holds you pretty well, and the actual delivery is the best scene in all of the movies hands down.
The werewolves I could do without. Still looking like CGI characters from “Chronicles of Narnia” and sounding terribly muffled, like someone talking too close to a microphone, they really come off the worst here. And Lautner’s physique is impressive, but does his acting ability also need to remind of us stone as well.
But I kid. “Twilight” fans are going to come out in droves this weekend and giggle and coo over their favorite scenes and I hope in the end they thank Bill Condon.
Nearly every scene either looks gorgeous or has an exciting visual energy, so much so that I’m no longer dreading part 2 coming out next November.
Like Crazy
Review: 5 out of 10
“Like Crazy” is so “like average” that I’m shocked, especially since the trailer seems to make it feel so achingly romantic. Yet you can see things going wrong almost immediately.
Anton Yelchin and Felcity Jones play Jacob and Anna, two college students who meet during a class and become smitten with one another. Anna, being from the UK , is about to run out on her visa but instead of going back she decides to ignore it in order to stay in California with Jacob.
Only when she is caught and deported it becomes a tricky situation of trying to be allowed back in the country and being able to keep a long-distance relationship going with Jacob at the same time.
It’s an observant film, i’ll say that; one that allows the audience to relate and feel like they’ve been there at a certain point in their lives. It’s a relationship spent mostly in they’re own heads; occasionally Jacob coming to visit but still feeling outside of her life, both wondering if the other just wants to move on to another person.
Jennifer Lawrence and Charlie Bewley each play romantic interests briefly. This should all make for a beautiful romance (at least it did last year in “Going the Distance”), but writer-director Drake Doremus is more concerned with matching-up musical montages with scenes of adoration (the two lie in bed together, play footsy, look into each others eyes) than with having them talk or squeeze out much chemistry (their love of Paul Simon is the only reason were given for why they should be together).
I’d rather understand the connection the two share and why they continue to think this is worth it than see them make constant kissy-faces at each other. The only time Yelchin and Jones ever really work is when they show just how painful and straining long-distance can be, otherwise you wonder why they feel so deeply about each other.
