Let's talk about style—not the style you wear, but the style you live.
Everyone lives a different lifestyle. Some choose to live in seclusion. Some choose to live in nudist colonies. Some become priests or nuns. Some choose to be drug dealers, and some choose to be terrorists.
The one lifestyle you cannot choose is to be gay.
It's a naturally born lifestyle. To most gay people, it's a lifestyle no one wants to talk about or ask questions about. It's a lifestyle that people will make fun of or bash gay people for. It's the topic that can shut down a party, quiet the loud mouth or just gross out your neighbor.
What most people don't realize is that being gay does not mean you can catch it from talking to a gay person. Or if you hug a gay friend, you’re automatically gay. That's not how it works. In the words of Lady Gaga, we were born this way baby!
Usually you know from a young age, and either choose to repress it or you go with it and live your life—often in pure torment. Growing up in a very Italian household in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn—with very strong connections to some tough people—you learn to hide your true self, to avoid being abused.
Abused by your own family, abused by your friends. So you go through the motions of living a "normal" life, when really all you’re doing is abusing yourself by keeping your true self hidden. Hiding my true feelings led me to try to fit in, and become a father at the age of 18.
I then had to really hide myself and try to live a "normal" life. Finally, I realized it was unfair to my child and the woman that gave me my child. So on top of being a teenage dad—I had to support a family and teach my child about life, all while I was afraid of my own lifestyle.
It was years later that I finally came out—but only to my immediate family, my child and her mom. Some of my childhood friends and some of my clients are finding out now, for the first time, that I am gay and can finally get married. Yes, I have been asked to do , being gay and being a parent. First I thought it would be fun and I thought it would be great for my daughter to have a good nest egg for her future, as she is starting college.
But would it open the floodgates for more abuse? More torment? More comments and more fear? Is that really fair? Should I have to worry that my daughter is going to be cursed at? Or someone might attack her or myself? Or her mom for that matter?
I know that we will have supporters, but we will also have haters. And the haters are the ones that can ruin everything. Lives, careers, futures. My haters didn't ruin my life; because I left the tough town I grew up in and made my way to a place where I felt safe.
But there are many people that stay where they are, and fight every single day—just to get through work, or pay for their groceries without someone calling them a “faggot” or a “dyke.” In this day and age when slavery is over and we are a free country, we still have to be enslaved in our closet.
Passing the bill to allow gay people to marry in New York was tremendous in the year 2011. But it took so long to start the process of freeing us. I have been getting emails and questions about it from people who know I am gay—asking what my feelings are, if I was planning on getting married, etc. etc.
My feelings are that it never should have been an issue. My right to marry whoever I love should always have been mine. My lifestyle never should have affected you.
My lifestyle—however I choose to live it—is just that, my lifestyle.
It's a sad world when we can fight for freedom for people in other countries; we can elect our first black president here, but yet until days ago I couldn't marry someone I chose to love, in my home town, like everyone else.
And President Obama—why are you dancing around the idea of gay marriage?
Don’t you know that your own parents would not have been allowed to marry in some states when they did? Seriously Barack? You broke major barriers with your win. And now so did we, but only in a handful of states. Your support of marriage equality would make a difference. Isn’t it time for you to stand up for our basic civil rights?
And to the haters: until you pay the bills for the gay person in line buying groceries—keep your mouth shut. The only thing you should be saying is excuse me, thank you and have a good day. Keep the ignorant and hurtful comments to yourself.
I'm someone's child. I have a heart. I have feelings and I'll be the first one to help a stranger in need. Would you?
White Plains resident Julius Michael is the author of this column and the trusted stylist to many high-end Westchester clients. See his website at www.JuliusMichael.com or reach him at , 1 Christie Pl. Scarsdale, at 914.725.1123
Exactly! Thats Why it could have been called a civil union!
Married couples have 1,138 federal rights, protections and responsibilities such as: •Social Security benefits upon death, disability or retirement of spouse, as well as benefits for minor children. •Family and Medical Leave protections to care for a new child or a sick or injured family member •Workers' Compensation protections for the family of a worker injured on the job •Access to COBRA insurance benefits so the family doesn't lose health insurance when one spouse is laid off •ERISA (Employee Retirement Income Security Act) protections such as the ability to leave a pension, other than Social Security, to your spouse •Exemptions from penalties on IRA and pension rollovers •Exemptions from estate taxes when a spouse dies •Exemptions from federal income taxes on spouse's health insurance •The right to visit a sick or injured loved one, have a say in life and death matters during hospitalization.
Everyone in this country has a civil union. An annulment or a get means nothing legally. Just as a legal divorce does not dissolve a Catholic marriage. So let's at least be clear about definitions. My family in Europe marries twice. The first is a civil marriage, and the only marriage recognized by law. It contractually links the two people as a couple. The second is a religious marriage. It is neither required nor is it legal and it cannot occur without the first civil marriage. It's a brilliant and yet simple construct. If we were to adopt such a system here, ANYONE who chooses to marry can and must be married in a civil ceremony. This is the marriage that would grant the federal rights, protections and responsibilities. Anyone choosing to have a religious marriage can go ahead and do so. Not different than the way it is now, each religion would have it's own set of requirements and rules for who can marry in their house of worship. This way, religiously, everyone can read from their own book. Further, certain religions would be free blame to their bias and hatred on God (other higher power) as much as they like without dragging the government into it. They can sort it all out with God when they get there and He asks them WTF!
If your family values include bias and exclude civil rights, I feel sorry for you. Clearly you have missed the point. I will pray for you. You do have the choice to opt out of public education. Or even better, home school your children so their education can be as narrowly defined as you see fit. But I ask please, do not force your "God" down the throats of ANY children or ANY family. What you do in your house of worship is your business. Keep it there.
You've left out that one study is two decades old and the other is over a decade old. You've also left out the conclusions. This is all without examining the very important collection of data. Self-reported means only that. Those cases that got reported by the victim. It does NOT include ALL cases. Sexual abuse is under-reported, especially same sex abuse on heterosexual males. I'm trying to understand how you made the leap that abusive treatment, even at the hands of a parent, somehow supports that being gay or lesbian is unnatural. If we extend this logic, then should we gather that you also believe being a female, being Black or being Jewish is similarly unnatural? Your efforts would be better well spent finding a way to let go of your hatred and self-loathing.
(it's "rein", as in horses, btw.)
Sorry for my lateness to the party as I have just learned of this site.If you post facts please allow me to correct you on one. Nature does not discriminate as gays can procreate and create a family, donating egg and sperm respectively. As to your "equality" to marry your brother? fine if you wish however do not ask me to help pay for your offsprings "two left feet " ...YOUR WORDS THP